Insane to the Point of Reason
by Stars lil girl
Summary: They say you are insane when all you can see is four white walls. I say it is when you can see what the world refuses to.


**A/N**: This might be slightly confusing, read it a couple times or read the author's notes at the bottom when you have finished you're reading. I hope you enjoy it! It was certainly fun to write!

**Title**: Insane to the Point of Reason

**Summary**: They say you are insane when all you can see is four white walls. I say it is when you can see what the world refuses to. Star's POV

**Rated**: PG (confusion)

**Disclaimer**: I do not own the Teen Titans however I do own this story and its plot so please do not take anything without asking me first. Thanks!

_**Insane to the Point of Reason**_

Normal. That is the word I hear most often to describe the world around me, to describe everything but me. I do not see things the way you do. I do not see little bits of color. Rather, I see patches of whole color. I have heard of the "normal" sunset pigments. Golden yellow, dull orange, faint green, brilliant purple coupled with strong splashes of pink clouds, all fading into a midnight blue. All I can gather from sunsets are rustic reds, dark magentas, and deep purples. Every flower I've ever seen has been a tropical orange with a forrest green stem. Every piano key I've ever touched is a different shade of blue. Most color of this world is lost to me.

The feelings I experience do not differ from the norm except I feel stronger surges of the most common emotions and they are harder to retain. There is but one feeling I have decided not to feel. I've been waiting for too long to feel that spark. That jolt that shoots through your body because you touched another. One who quickens your heart and completes your life. I've waited too long to feel something so cliché. Over time I realized the feeling was made up by those who cannot feel it. The ones who write it down and attempt to place a feeling that great in mere words are the people that have not felt it. These people have not felt it tugging at their heart as I have. They have not experienced its pleasures and pains. I shall not name this emotion, for once you name something it is hard to keep it out of your life, hard to keep it from controlling you or even some thoughts. I fear by naming this emotion I will become addicted, and I do not wish to rely on something so weak to keep my world spinning. I have reasons for blocking it out of my life. One of them is standing before me at this precise moment, fierce determination set in his brilliant blue eyes.

"You can't leave." It's a simple demanding statement begging for its questioning partner which I happily give.

"Why not?" I cross my arms challengingly over my chest and meet his gaze. In stories they would tell you what emotions his eyes gave away, what feeling flickered across his handsome face but this is no story, this is reality and there is a big difference between the two.

"Because," His deep voice is laced with angry and desperate tones, "I love you."

"Do NOT say that word." My voice is a deadly whisper, my words are clipped and I narrow my eyes to get the point across. "You have no idea what lo- that word means." A smirk finds its way on his face and I can already predict what he will do next.

"What word? You mean love?" I cringe at the nameless emotion and his smirk grows into a full out smile. "You're afraid of love aren't you? What's so scary about it? Are you afraid to feel something normal, to feel something beautiful?" It is an insulting question, one that angers me.

"I may be naïve but I am not flat out stupid." I spit the words out with venom. How can he think that this emotion, this feeling will only bring us happiness? You have to lose some to win some and the losses are always far greater than the rewords.

"I never said you were stupid or naïve." Now he is questioning my intelligence!

"You do not think I hear what people say about me? You do not think I hear their whispers or sly comments?" I raise my eye brow with satisfaction as I see surprise evident on his features. "We are not young anymore." My voice is softer, sadder than I wish it to be. "We cannot be friends forever, nothing lasts that long. You will always have that will to fight, to do what is right but I am sick of it." I have always been good at lying. I even lied to them about being a bad liar. I like to make people think they know me, to make them think that I am predictable. Being unpredictable is my most valued tool. It is what has kept me alive this long. But for some reason he has been able to figure me out, to have the knowledge what I am thinking at a certain moment in time. I have become too predictable so I am doing the unexpected, I am leaving. I drop my arms back down to their sides and quietly shake my head while exhaling sharply.

"You mean you're sick of fighting for good or sick of fighting off my advances to you?" He takes a step closer. It is a trick question, one I do not answer but merely set my eyes on a window, on freedom. "Look, I know that we can't be what I had hoped but I know that you at least feel something for me. Something more than friendship." He takes another step closer and grabs my writs, placing a delicate kiss on each finger. My gaze does not waver form the window but my emotions waver inside of me. Suddenly being predictable and being manipulated dose not seem so terrible. I quickly shake such thoughts from my head as images from the past burn in my mind. I try not to let my emotions show but so many years of openly expressing my emotions make it hard to regain a blank demeanor. "I know that you feel normal things. I know that love is a normal emotion to feel, the greatest gift anyone can receive."

I whip my head around to face him swiftly. "Love is only common because of how cheap it is, how easy it is to falsely create. I am not normal, no matter how normal my feelings may appear to others. And," I pause and quickly close the gap between our faces. The kiss is what every girl dreams her first kiss to be, passionate and absolutely wonderful. A jolt shots though my body as he presses me closer to him. I pull away slowly savoring his taste on my lips, knowing that I am about to make the biggest mistake of my life. Maybe I have already made the biggest mistake of my life. Feelings are not supposed to be anywhere close to my top priority and I am becoming addicted to the one I promised myself never to feel. Our eyes are connected and it seems so easy to read his eyes at this moment, the longing, desire, disappointment and bitter understanding that lay hidden in his blue depths. "I am not sorry." I pull away from him as he releases my writs. I turn around and walk out of the room without looking back. Who wants to be normal anyway? But I knew the answer. Somewhere deep inside me it called out in a ringing cry 'I do'.

A/N: It was way longer on paper. Alright for those that are confused let me see if I can clear it up for you. Starfire had a pretty horrible past, her loved ones were murdered and she was taken away to be prisoner. She never completely got over their deaths and has decided that love is too painful. She promises herself that she will never fall in love again to save herself from the pain. Robin has come to stop her from leaving and shows her his eyes. He is in love with her and she, not knowingly, has fallen in love with him. When Starfire broke out of the Gordian (sp?) cell, it was unexpected. When she met the Titans, her attitude was unexpected. By being unpredictable she has been able to survive the hardships life has given her. Robin seems to know her almost better than she knows herself and she doesn't feel safe anymore so she tries to leave. She kisses him because she figured out that he had feelings for him and she didn't want to leave without him knowing how she felt. Kissing him was also unexpected and gave her a little bit more control. As for not seeing the colors we do, she's an alien so she does not see every color. To help with her powers, her emotions are stronger than ours. At the beginning she talks about the difference between reality and fantasy. Has anyone out there felt a jolt or anything from the touch of another person? In real life you can't really feel anything besides their skin and toward the end she feels that jolt. In the beginning she says that she can't read Robin's eyes or the emotion that his face displayed. At the end the could read his eyes so I'll leave it to you to decide if they really talked and kissed or if it was just her wishing that she could be normal and imagines what love would be like if she never had a horrible past. It's all in how you see it. If anyone read this story and didn't get confused I applaud you. If you are still confused let me know and I'll try to explain it better. Please review and tell me what you think! (I apologize for any grammar mistakes and this extremely long author's note)

Stars lil girl


End file.
